Why Does Stewie Procrastinate? The Accountant and the Squirrel-Chaser.
This is part of my How to Stop Procrastinating series.
Hey, friends!
Does this ever happen to you? Last year I finally decided to learn Spanish. I listened to a polyglot (on YouTube) discuss their language-learning process, and they mentioned a shortcut they discovered. Excited, I dusted off my Spanish books and jumped right in!
And... a few days in, I felt bored; I procrastinated. I told myself, "I'll do it tomorrow when I have more energy." I told myself that "future me" would want to conjugate verbs and memorize vocabulary.
Guess what: "future me" is a lie. I procrastinated for a week, rearranging my bookcases and my spice drawer. I even cleaned the basement bathroom (gasp!) in an effort not to study Spanish. Afterward, I felt bad about myself for not doing "hard things."
(Why can't I just be bilingual like everyone else on YouTube?)
Worse yet, I've tried to learn Spanish several times in the past two decades. Every time I've cleaned bathrooms, washed dishes, organized my office, and decluttered my garage instead of buckling down to study. Once, I even distracted myself by starting to learn Italian. (I, of course, gave up on that too.)
But I've figured out why this happens. And I've figured out what to do about it.
The root problem
This may sound weird, but hear me out. In my little brain, I have two voices: The Accountant and the Squirrel-Chaser.
The Squirrel-Chaser is a voice bursting with positive energy and endless enthusiasm. He's intensely inquisitive and overly optimistic. He hungers to learn everything, do everything, and start all the projects. He's Tigger (from Winnie the Pooh), bounding from one just-barely-started project to the next.
Squirrel-Chaser is the reason I keep Amazon in business by buying an embarrassing number of books: cookbooks, health books, minimalism books, programming books, philosophy books, foreign language books, and business process management books. (At this very moment, Squirrel-Chaser is whisper-shouting that I should buy the complete works of Plato. It's only 55 dollars and 1,848 pages!)
Squirrel-Chaser is a tornado, bringing joy and chaos to my life.
The Accountant is a voice that's risk-averse and tight-fisted. He's a "get off my lawn!" curmudgeon who guards my time with the same dedication that Ebenezer Scrooge guarded his wealth. But unlike Scrooge, who had money to spare, The Accountant knows my time is limited. His knee-jerk reaction is to say No to all additional projects, commitments, and responsibilities.
The Accountant seems like a heartless booger. But, if I'm honest, he's my anchor and the reason I haven't burnt out. Because of him, I go to bed early, focus on one thing at a time, and feel less stressed. The Accountant brings balance and stability to my life.
Whenever Squirrel-Chaser sees some new shiny thing ("Let's learn Spanish!"), the Accountant rolls his eyes and sighs ("Here we go again"). This week it was Spanish; last week, it was Elm (a programming language); and next week, it'll be something wildly different, like "Let's buy ingredients for all 75 recipes in this vegetarian low-carb slow-cooker cookbook!"
Squirrel-Chaser provides the ignition and enthusiasm to start endeavors. But when this energy evaporates—and it always does—I have to rely on The Accountant for motivation. That's when I start to procrastinate.
The solution
After much introspection, I found a solution, a way to break free of this cycle of starting and stopping. I started listening to The Accountant. Do I have the time and energy to chase this new thing?
When I got excited about learning Spanish, I checked in with The Accountant. Together, we spent three minutes Googling and discovered Spanish would require 600 hours to learn. He squinted at me and asked, "Will you study Spanish for an hour every morning for the next two years?"
Not a chance.
Squirrel-Chaser, being the eternal optimist, chimed in, saying, "You're smart! You took two years of high school Spanish! It'll only take 300 hours! Or 200!"
The Accountant was skeptical of this discounting but asked, "Will you study Spanish for an hour every morning for one year?"
After a long pause, I said No.
I have work and family obligations, and The Accountant curtly reminded me that I only have 10 hours per week to chase big goals. That's my budget. (He's a real grouch, but that's needed to balance Squirrel-Chaser's rosy overoptimism.)
The Accountant reminded me that I can't pursue everything, but I can pursue one big thing. Right now, my one big thing is to become a competent writer. And I don't want to replace this with Spanish.
If I'm honest with myself, in years past, the thrill of new projects meant much more to me than actually accomplishing anything. Feeling an ounce of boredom was my greatest fear. Always feeling excited was the goal and the reward. (My project graveyard is embarrassingly vast.)
Now that I'm a little older and, hopefully, a little wiser, achievement means more than it used to. But it comes with a price: I must say No to loads of stuff.
Consequently, Spanish must wait. Elm (a programming language) must wait. Those 75 vegetarian low-carb slow-cooker recipes must wait. And 100 other shiny things must wait.
As the saying goes, "Eyes on the prize."
One obvious benefit is I spend less time giving up on stuff and feeling bad about myself. (Hurray!)
One not-so-obvious is that I spend more time working toward my one big goal. I devote my ten hours a week to one thing, and I can see my progress. Each bit of progress gives me momentum to keep going.
Momentum is the antidote to procrastination.
If I had a time machine…
If I had a time machine and could chat with my 18-year-old self—and if I could only tell him one thing—I'd say this: Chase accomplishment. Sure, listen to Squirrel-Chaser. But don't only listen to him. Listen to The Accountant, too.
Want to learn Spanish? Fine. Make it you're one big thing for a whole freaking year. Yes, an entire year. If you're unwilling to commit to this, don't bother starting. (Also, commit first, then buy books.)
Want to learn a new programming language? Fine. But go all in, spend 300 hours on it, and say No to everything else.
Stop dabbling in something new each week. Stop squandering time on soon-to-be-abandoned projects. Commit to something.
Accomplish something.
Read more on How to Stop Procrastinating.
Thanks to Brynn Stewart and Thomas Weigel for reading drafts of this!
Its great Stewie!