Ask Stewie: How Do I Limit Facebook (And Study More) Without Going Cold Turkey?
This is part of my How to Stop Procrastinating series.
Hey, friends!
Someone asked:
How do I set limits on social media? I need to spend more time studying, but I also don’t wanna give up Facebook because I want to stay connected with siblings that live far away.
This is hard.
You want to study more, but Facebook is so enticing. It’s so easy to open the app and see what’s new. It’s especially tempting when we feel an ounce of boredom or any sort of emotional discomfort.
But can I tell you something you probably already know? Facebook is not our friend. It sells our attention to hungry advertisers. In 2022, Meta (facebook’s parent company) pulled in 116 billion dollars in revenue.
How much did they earn from you?
Facebook wants us to spend all day in their app. It wants us to never sleep or study or do anything productive. In fact, it might profit the most if you dropped out of school and spent your waking hours scrolling. Facebook—and its 71,970 employees—have one goal: keep us hooked.
Ideally, we’d leave Facebook and never return. But that’s not reasonable for many people. For many, Facebook is how they stay connected with loved ones.
So the only solution is to set sensible limits. While I don’t have all the answers, I can offer five strategies that work for me.
1: Visualize the pain for 5 minutes
Every day, ask yourself:
1) How is wasting time on Facebook hurting you?
2) How will it eventually ruin your life?
3) What hopes and dreams will be crushed?
Visualize your future. Feel the pain of disappointment and regret.
Imagine Facebook is a time vampire. He sneaks into your home and siphons away your life, minute by minute, hour by hour. This thief, this destroyer of hopes and dreams, is the cause of your future regret.
Do this visualization exercise for five minutes. It’s kind of silly, I know. But do it.
Afterward, notice how you feel about Facebook. Is it warm and fuzzy? Probably not.
There’s a good chance you’re repulsed. Or angry. And that’s the point. You want to build emotional leverage and reduce Facebook’s stranglehold on your attention. Then, setting limits is trivial.
2: Go 2 hours without Facebook every day
When setting limits, start small-ish. Start with something sustainable. Go two hours without Facebook, and dedicate this time to studying. (Ideally, this is when your energy levels are the highest.)
Note: You need to do the stuff you’ve heard a million times, like turning off notifications, installing website blockers, putting your phone in a lockbox, and stashing the lockbox in your uncle’s underground bunker.
When we set limits like this—even small limits—we create a minimum standard for ourselves. We draw a line in the sand. And this is how we improve our lives: Set a minimum standard and then gradually raise it.
You can go two hours without Facebook, right?
3: Use a Scorecard
Create a Google sheet to track goals. (I call this my Scorecard.)
It doesn’t need to be fancy. Just start with three columns:
1. Date
2. Did you visualize the pain for 5 minutes?
3. Did you go 2 hours without Facebook?
Every evening, enter the date and whether you completed your two goals. (I have a phone reminder, so I don’t forget to update my Scorecard.)
Now, a lot of people don’t want to create a scorecard. They question why it’s necessary. They might even say it’s a dumb idea.
But we all need a scorecard because it provides a much-needed reality check.
Here’s an embarrassing story: I used to snack on gummy bears, jalapeño chips, and Reese’s peanut butter cups. Like all the time. I wasn’t healthy, but I wanted to maintain a positive self-image, so I adopted a rosy view of my behavior. I told myself, “I eat mostly healthy,” as my weight crept up, year after year.
I didn’t get control of my weight—and become healthier—until I tracked my weight in a Scorecard. Then, thoughts like “I eat mostly healthy” turned into “Why did I gain 4 pounds on Christmas Day?”
Sometimes the reality check feels like a punch in the face, I know. Sometimes our Ego begs us not to burst its bubble. Our Ego protects our self-image and resists creating a scorecard.
But we don’t have to obey our Ego. We can look it squarely in the face and say, “Yeah, this is gonna hurt,” and then update our Scorecard.
So if you struggle with Facebook, set goals to limit it, and just as importantly, track your progress in a Scorecard.
(Note: I learned about using scorecards from Youtuber Tina Huang.)
4: Text your accountability partner
You know what else our Ego doesn’t like? Having an accountability partner. (Admitting that we failed at something is super painful.)
But having an accountability partner pushes us to make positive changes. After all, it’s embarrassing to text our partner with, “I didn’t achieve my goals.”
Here’s a personal example of how this works: My wonderful wife is my accountability partner. Every afternoon, I text her the number of writing sprints I completed that morning. (I have a phone reminder for this, too.)
The text is always super short, like “2 sprints.” My wife is not obligated to respond, and she never gets mad if I don’t achieve my goal. But just knowing that I’ll text her, knowing that I am accountable to someone, pushes me to meet my goals.
So if you want to limit Facebook, find an accountability partner. Set a goal and report to your partner how you did each day.
5: Remember that tomorrow will be just like today
Here’s the lie I used to tell myself: Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be better, and “Future me” will accomplish all the things. He’ll get up at 5 AM, learn Spanish, never eat junk food, and build a supercomputer from those ten boxes of computer parts.
“Future me” is freaking amazing! He’s a superhuman that everyone will love and admire! Hollywood will make movies about “Future me,” and these movies will win multiple Oscars! (Yes, sometimes I get carried away.)
Here’s the harsh truth I tell myself: “Future me” is a lie. Tomorrow will be just like today. You know how you struggle with distractions and low energy? Tomorrow you’ll still struggle with them. All of your excuses for procrastinating follow you into the future.
Kind of depressing, right?
But there’s a silver lining: Whatever I accomplish today, I’ll accomplish tomorrow. If I complete a writing sprint this morning, I’ll do one tomorrow. If I abstain from sweets today, I’ll probably do it tomorrow. And every day after.
In fact, I imagine that today will be replicated every day for the next year. I set small goals and achieve small wins. It doesn’t seem like much, but these tiny wins stack up over a year.
And that’s my advice to you: Visualize the pain and go two hours without Facebook. If you do these today, you’ll do them tomorrow. Create your Scorecard and text your accountability partner. Do them today, and tomorrow will take care of itself.
In a year, you’ll be amazed at what you accomplished.
Read more on How to Stop Procrastinating.
Thanks to Diane Callahan reading a draft of this!