Yes, I Put People Into Buckets.
This is part of my blog series Practical Self-Help for Introspective People.
Hey, friends!
I want to discuss how I differentiate between people who cross boundaries and those who respect them. I put people into one of three buckets:
Bucket #1: These people respect your boundaries as soon as you state them.
Bucket #2: These people respect boundaries but need a few reminders and a bit of nudging.
Bucket #3: These people won't respect boundaries unless you are extra firm and consistent.
We should try to surround ourselves with people who fall into buckets one and two. We don't want to spend all of our emotional energy constantly enforcing basic boundaries.
But sometimes, we have to deal with people in Bucket 3. And anger can be an effective tool for enforcing boundaries with them. Sometimes, anger is necessary.
Homework: Think about the people closest to you. Which buckets do you put them in? How can you spend more time with folks in Bucket 1?
Note: you may hesitate to drop some people into Bucket 3 because it feels mean or judgy. But it's crucial that you're honest with yourself.
Maybe one in-law trespasses boundaries at every turn and deserves to be in Bucket three. That's OK — no one knows which bucket you put them in or that you're even bucketing people in the first place. No one will punish you for doing this.
Thanks to Todd Ericksen for reading a drafts of this!