Charge Your Self-Esteem Battery with a Personal Health Code
This is part of my blog series Practical Self-Help for Introspective People.
Hey, friends!
I like to think of my self-esteem as a battery. Some days it’s fully charged, and other days it’s empty. Some activities charge it; others drain it.
Through much introspection, I discovered that I have two self-esteem batteries: an external one and an internal one. My external self-esteem battery is controlled by external factors, like how my coworkers treat me. In contrast, my internal self-esteem battery is controlled by me, what I think of myself, whether I know who I am, and whether I keep commitments to myself.
Here’s the really interesting part: When my internal self-esteem battery is charged, it doesn’t matter what happens in the external world. Everything can come crashing down, and yet I know I’ll be ok.
But when my internal battery is low, I use the external one as a fallback. This means my self-esteem depends on external forces. This means my emotional state is a roller coaster—except this roller coaster defies the laws of physics by going down far more than it goes up.
So, to have high self-esteem, we must keep our internal battery fully charged. We must keep it topped off. But how do we do this?
One strategy is to craft a personal health code. And live it.
This is kind of abstract, so let’s walk through examples from two friends I’ll call Bonnie and Colin.
Example 1: Bonnie
Bonnie is a vegan who doesn’t drink caffeine and goes to bed by 10 pm.
She wrote her personal health code as:
Things I do: go to sleep by 10 pm
Things I don’t do: consume caffeine and animal products
Every time Bonnie says no to caffeine and animal products, her internal battery gets a boost. Every time she goes to sleep by 10 pm, her battery gets charged. Living her health code makes her feel good.
In addition, every time Bonnie talks about these things, she feels good.
Here’s why this works: Bonnie’s personal health code informs her about who she is and what she is about. It clarifies to her what it means to be “good.” As she lives according to her definition of good, she feels good. As she honors agreements made with herself, she charges her internal self-esteem battery.
Example 2: Colin
Colin does 100 pushups and squats every morning. In addition, he’s given up sweets during the second half of this year.
Colin wrote his personal health code as:
Things I do: 100 pushups and squats every morning
Things I don’t do: eat sweets
Now, the exercise portion of Colin’s code is easy to live because he’s done it for a long time. He built a habit.
But the “no sweets” part is new and difficult. So Colin posted a chart on his refrigerator, marking days he abstains from sweets. Every day he marks as a “win,” he charges his internal self-esteem battery. Every time he stands back and sees all of his “wins,” he feels good. (Honestly, I’m excited for him to look at his chart in six months.)
As Colin honors agreements made with himself, he charges his internal self-esteem battery.
How to get started with your personal health code
Creating your own personal health code might feel overwhelming. So let’s break this down.
Step 1: Pick just one thing
If you’re just starting with your own personal health code, it’s vital that you pick just one thing to focus on. Just one! You can always add more later. But it’s far better to pick one thing and live it for a year than to choose two things and give up in a week.
Creating a health code and giving up after a day/week will hurt your self-esteem. Choose wisely and stick to it.
Also, your health code is for your eyes only. No one else needs to see it or even know it exists if you don’t want them to. So it’s totally ok to pick something private.
If you’re uncertain of where to start, here are a couple of options:
Option 1: Start with what you’re already doing. Is there a routine you already follow to be healthy? Is there a substance you already abstain from?
Colin was already doing his pushups/squats every morning when he wrote down his personal health code. But simply writing down his code, and reviewing it daily, gave his self-esteem a boost.
Option 2: Start with what will get you the most benefit with the least effort. These include reducing tobacco, alcohol, and sugar consumption. If you’re not ready to give something up completely, you can set limits: I only eat sugar on Sundays, or I only have one beer per day.
Before Colin gave up sweets, he started small by only eating them on weekends. Before Bonnie gave up animal products, she started by just avoiding pork and beef.
You’ll also benefit from going to bed earlier and walking more. But again, it’s ok to start small, e.g., “I go to sleep by midnight” or “I walk at least 3,000 steps every day.”
Just pick one thing and start small. You can do this!
Step 2: Set up accountability
Many of us have a negative association with accountability. We picture some schoolmarm, like Miss Trunchbull from Matilda, who grabs a little girl by the pigtails and hurls her out the window. Or we picture some overbearing parent who threatens to bludgeon us if we don’t live up to some impossible standard.
But accountability is our friend. Every time we keep commitments to ourselves, our self-esteem increases.
With accountability, the first consideration is whether it’ll be private or public. And it’s totally ok to keep it private. Bonnie uses a private Google sheet to track her progress.
The next consideration is whether to use paper or go digital.
Colin printed out a 6-month calendar, bought a smiley-face stamp, and stamps that day on the calendar every day he goes without sweets.
When Bonnie gave up caffeine, she started small by tracking coffee consumption on a Google sheet. Her initial goal was 2 cups per day, and she used conditional formatting to mark successful days in green.
Every day, Bonnie reviewed her accountability sheet. And she saw at a glance how well she was doing. The more green she saw, the more she felt better about herself.
Reminders
The final component of accountability is setting up a reminder system. Colin put his calendar on his refrigerator, so he sees it multiple times a day. Bonnie added a reminder on her phone, which chimes at 7 pm, telling her to “Update Caffeine Tracker.” She also added a backup reminder at 8 pm.
Step 3: Anticipate your obstacles
What will prevent you from living your personal health code? What are the obstacles?
For Colin, candy in his house was the primary obstacle. He got rid of the King Size Snickers hidden in the back of the freezer. He also got rid of his cache of mini Reese’s peanut butter cups stored in a couple of hollowed-out books in his office. And he asked his wife not to buy any more candy.
For Bonnie, FOMO (fear of missing out) kept her from going to sleep at a reasonable time. She’d sit in bed and just doomscroll Twitter. For a couple of hours. She solved this by deleting the Twitter app. As soon as she did this, she started going to sleep by 10 pm.
Consider your obstacles. What will stop you from living your health code?
If you want to stop eating sugar, consider your proximity to sweets. The closer they are, the harder it is. Also, consider the eating habits of the people closest to you. Lastly, consider when you’ll be most likely to give in and eat sweets. How you’ll handle these situations?
If you want to go to bed earlier, consider your distractions, e.g., work, games, or TV. How will your partner’s habits help or hinder? How you’ll handle the inevitable FOMO?
If you want to walk 5,000 steps daily, consider what gets in your way. Do you have comfortable shoes? Will work, TV, video games, or doomscrolling get in the way?
You’re much more likely to stick with your personal health code when you anticipate obstacles.
Step 4: Find your accelerators
Accelerators are practices that increase your motivation to stick with your personal health code. They inspire you to take action and accomplish your goals. And when you’re motivated, you can do anything.
Friedrich Nietzsche said, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
So let’s walk through some examples.
When Bonnie started her journey to veganism, she watched documentaries about the health benefits of a plant-based diet. These provided a modest amount of motivation. But what really motivated her were the documentaries about animal cruelty. After one such documentary, Bonnie sobbed as she threw away all the meat/cheese/salad dressings in her refrigerator. Documentaries about animal cruelty are Bonnie’s accelerator, and she watches one every week.
When Colin was looking for motivation to give up sweets, he started watching YouTube videos about the harmful effects of sugar. He also watched videos about the causes of Type 2 diabetes and its numerous side effects.
Every time Colin watches these videos, “likes” them, and subscribes to their creator’s channel, he trains the YouTube algorithm to give more of this type of content. As a result, YouTube suggests new anti-sugar videos every day. YouTube, and its algorithm, are Colin’s accelerator.
With your own personal health code, consider how media can help. Which books, videos, newsletters, or documentaries motivate you? Which role models / online personalities inspire you? How can you use social media’s algorithm to your advantage?
Identify your own personal accelerators. Figure out what motivates you. And schedule 20 minutes with them each day.
Doing this will make it easy to live your personal health code. And build your self-esteem.
Step 5: Respect boundaries
This shouldn’t need to be said, but I’ll say it anyway: Your personal health code is just for you. Don’t impose it on anyone else. Don’t use it as a cudgel to make others feel bad.
Maybe you gave up animal products… Don’t shame the friend who orders a milkshake with their bacon cheeseburger.
Maybe you’re walking 10,000 steps a day… Don’t shame the family member who circles a gym’s parking lot for 10 minutes, looking for the closest parking spot so they can avoid walking 10 feet.
Put bluntly, mind your own business. Don’t tell other people how to live their life. Focus on your own life and your own goals. Focus on building your self-esteem instead of destroying theirs.
Don’t wait
My favorite James Clear quote reads: “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour. You don’t have to do it all today. Just lay a brick.”
That’s my parting advice to you: Lay one brick. Pick one thing to have as your personal health code, start tracking it, and start charging your internal self-esteem battery. Give your self-esteem a boost today.
Why wait? After all, tomorrow will look just like today, so you might as well get started now.
Thanks to Diane Callahan and Thomas Weigel for reading drafts of this!