What Charges Your Self-Esteem Battery?
This is part of my blog series Practical Self-Help for Introspective People.
For much of my life, I've struggled with self-esteem. I worried a lot about being enough, being worthy of attention, and being worthy of love.
I wanted to improve my self-esteem, but it's an abstract idea and difficult to measure or quantify. You can't measure self-esteem using inches or gallons or beard-seconds (the distance a beard hair grows in 1 second, which is about 5 nanometers).
So, I came up with a metaphor: the self-esteem battery.
Our self-esteem battery can be fully charged or completely dead. Certain activities and interactions charge it, while others drain it. And the best part is that we can exercise some control over our battery levels.
Let's walk through some concrete examples.
What charges Stewie's battery?
Meditating
Doing a puzzle
Feeling needed
Washing dishes
Helping a friend
Getting sunshine
Removing clutter
Having quiet time
Working on a hobby
Sleeping for 8 hours
Reading a good book
Having a clean house
Wearing clean clothes
Being heard by a friend
Socializing in small groups
Completing household chores
Completing my exercise routine
Having an organized workspace
Getting validation from my boss
Progressing on learning a new skill
Completing a task, no matter how small
Having intellectually stimulating discussions
If I want to feel good, I have to do things that charge my battery. (No one else will do them for me!) And this gives me much-needed justification for spending more time socializing, more time sleeping, and more time getting sunlight.
In addition, some things charge my battery after they're completed, e.g., exercise routines and household chores. Same story with going to bed early. If I'm honest, I do these things not because they're good for me but because I feel good afterward. What looks like discipline to outsiders is just me chasing good feelings.
Take action
The battery metaphor helps me think about my self-esteem as something concrete and, therefore, something I can change. Like a lever I can pull or a dial I can turn. The metaphor is a small—but powerful!—tool in my mental-health toolbox.
This tool helped me boost my self-esteem. And it can help you, too!
So make a list of 5 things that charge your self-esteem battery. (15 items would be better, but let's start with 5.)
Note: this list is for your eyes only, and it's crucial that you're honest with yourself. No one will judge you if things are outside the norm. (People won't even know the list exists!)
With your list in hand, brainstorm how to do more things on your list. Which things will you do today?
Which items will you schedule and turn into a daily habit? This way, you charge your battery every day without even thinking about it!
Lastly, what will you sacrifice (e.g., 30 minutes of Netflix) to make room for things that charge your self-esteem battery?
Will you prioritize feeling good?
For example, I charge my battery by scheduling 8 hours of sleep, and this is only possible because I limit TV-watching. When my battery level dips, I complete a few easy tasks on my To-Do list, go outside, or work on a Sudoku.
But what about you? How do you charge your self-esteem battery?
Thanks to Diane Callahan and Thomas Weigel reading drafts of this!