How to Show Compassion for Coworkers
This is part of my blog series Practical Self-Help for Introspective People.
Hey, friends!
Yesterday, my coworker (let’s call him Gaston) was super irritable. He took a lighthearted joke about iPhone users as a personal insult, and he groused about it all morning. Also, the soda machine was broken (Gaston loves Dr. Pepper), so he took this as another personal insult.
Needless to say, Gaston was having a terrible, awful, no-good day. When no one else was around, I said, “You seem stressed. What’s going on?”
Gaston took a deep breath and told me about his current assignment. He was supposed to solve issues for a high-paying customer that threatened to leave. Gaston felt a ton of pressure but lacked essential details/tools to solve the issues. And he was uncertain about how to get what he needed. Worse yet, our boss wanted progress updates three times a day.
In short, Gaston felt powerless and micromanaged. These negative feelings were the driving force behind his cantankerousness.
As I reflect on this experience—and when I’m grouchy at work—I see some patterns. Specifically, we become irritable when we lack clarity, fairness, and autonomy.
Let’s briefly look at these three needs:
Clarity: Workers need a clear vision of what’s expected and what success looks like in their current role. They also need to know what failure looks like. And they need all the necessary information to complete assignments.
Fairness: Workers doing the same job deserve the same wage. They need credit for their contributions, and they deserve respect in the workplace.
Autonomy: They need to know what decisions are theirs to make. And they need room to experiment with novel solutions, try new things—and fail!—on a small scale.
When employees are grouchy, they often lack clarity, fairness, and autonomy.
So the next time your coworker is a giant grump, look past behavior and try to see their unmet needs. Talk to them, and help them identify what’s going on, e.g., it sounds like you’re missing critical project details. This validates their frustration (we all crave validation) and will improve their mood. Helping them identify their needs may set them on a path to resolving those needs.
And if you’re a manager, be mindful of your direct reports’ needs. Check in regularly and ask about clarity, fairness, and autonomy. In an ideal world, employees would tell you their needs. But often, people aren’t aware of them. They just feel something isn’t right.