1-Minute Wisdom: Is This Fear Justified?
This is part of my blog series Practical Self-Help for Introspective People.
Hey, friends!
Here’s today’s idea: When you feel afraid in social situations, don’t suppress your fear. Instead, evaluate it. Is this fear justified?
For example, my son, Red, wore a white shirt and tie to his piano recital… and then we went grocery shopping. He wanted to wait in the car—he felt uncomfortable wearing dress clothes in Walmart. So we chatted about why.
We discussed his basic needs, like food, shelter, and family. I asked: can anyone at Walmart take these away? He shook his head, no. Then I asked: will anyone see your nice clothes, get angry, flip tables, throw chairs, and kick you out? He said no, that’d never happen.
Afterward, he was still uncomfortable, but it didn’t stop him. And we walked into the store.
He felt the fear and did it anyway1.
Take action
When you feel afraid in social situations, assess your fear. If you say something dumb or don’t conform, will others take away your food, shelter, or family?
My personal shorthand for this is: can they take away my lunch? (Apparently, lunch is very important to me!)
Sometimes, the answer is yes. Your boss may take away your livelihood if you mess up. Or don’t conform. So fear around your boss is absolutely justified.
But in most social situations, fear is not justified. That's not to say our fear isn't real—because it is! It just means we shouldn't let it stop us. We should feel the fear and do it anyway.
Thanks to Thomas Weigel and Diane Callahan for reading drafts of this!
This is a reference to the fantastic book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers.