What Drains Your Self-Esteem Battery?
This is part of my blog series Practical Self-Help for Introspective People.
Fast Summary: Boost your self-esteem by avoiding things that drain your self-esteem battery. After all, what's the point of charging it if things constantly drain it?
Previously, we discussed the metaphor of the self-esteem battery, and we explored ways to charge it. Today, we'll look at things that drain our self-esteem battery.
Let's walk through some concrete examples.
What drains Stewie's battery?
Here’s a short list:
Being isolated
Feeling ignored
Gobbling junk food
Wearing dirty clothes
Feeling sleep-deprived
Failing to live my values
Wearing ill-fitting clothes
Feeling stuck on a project
Handling critical coworkers
Skipping my exercise routine
Fixating on stuff I can't control
Receiving criticism from my boss
Arguing with trolls on Reddit/Twitter
Some battery drainers are necessary, like cooperating with that one critical coworker who nitpicks my minimalist attire. Or seeing that one meddling aunt at the "holiday soup and cheese" party. But I limit these interactions.
Now, not all self-esteem drainers are created equal: Two minutes of criticism from my boss drains my battery far faster than criticism from my cranky kid. So, I'll find a new job if I have an overly-critical boss.
My biggest drainer
If I'm honest, being sleep-deprived is my biggest battery drainer. Chronic tiredness makes everything hard. I can't focus at work. I can't pay attention to my kids. And I can't progress on personal goals. (And don't even get me started on how this affects eating and exercise!)
In addition, sleep deprivation may cause last-lasting health issues. The Mayo Clinic reports that "circadian rhythm disruption has been gaining greater appreciation as an emerging environmental risk factor for T2DM [type 2 diabetes mellitus]." And diabetes is something I want to avoid!
Worse yet, sleep deprivation is like an amplifier for other drainers: I morph into a cantankerous curmudgeon, people avoid me, and I feel isolated, further draining my battery.
Long story short, good sleep hygiene dramatically improved my mood. As such, I'm militant about bedtimes for myself and my kids. This might feel unnecessarily strict to other adults. But enforcing a bedtime protects my mood. And my self-esteem.
Offsetting battery drainers
I do specific things to charge my battery and offset the damage done by bosses, coworkers, and critical family members.
For example, I might vent to a friend to feel heard. As Laurie Buchanan said, "When we listen, we hear someone into existence." I might also complete a small task. Both of these strategies charge my self-esteem battery.
As I talked to friends about this, I discovered that offsetting often occurs. In some cases, people charge their battery in advance. One programmer friend took a nap and nibbled a fancy chocolate bar before a stressful presentation. (Working from home has its perks!)
But if we have to offset too often, we'll hunt for a new job. Or new friends.
Take action
Write down three things that drain your self-esteem battery.
Note: this list is for your eyes only, and it's crucial that you're honest with yourself. Maybe seeing your fault-finding father at Sunday brunch drains your battery. That's OK—no one can see your list. (They won't even know it exists!) You won't be punished for labeling close family members as "total drainers."
Next, brainstorm how to avoid drainers. How can you rearrange your schedule—and life!—to protect your self-esteem?
For example, I felt better after I quit Facebook. This will sound pretty petty, but with hundreds of friends, there was always someone taking amazing vacations—vacations I don't have money or time for. Now that I avoid Facebook, I'm not constantly reminded of how the grass is greener on the other side. And I feel better.
But that's me. What about you?
Thanks to Diane Callahan and Thomas Weigel reading drafts of this!