1-Minute Wisdom: My Son Is Only 56% Accountable for His Actions
This is part of my blog series Practical Self-Help for Introspective People.
Hey, friends!
Here’s today’s idea: My 10-year-old, Red1, is 56% accountable for his actions. (I divided his age by 18 to get 0.56 or 56%.) And I’m 44% accountable.
So Red’s responsible for chores, schoolwork, and maintaining a good attitude. For example, yesterday, he proclaimed, “I’m fasting!” because the Cheerios ran out. I said Ok, but hunger is no excuse for grouchiness. (And I added Cheerios to my grocery list.)
I’m responsible for a nurturing environment, including regular mealtimes, reasonable bedtimes, empathetic listening, and occasional correction. I also translate cryptic desires into specific requests, e.g., “Sounds like you’re asking me to buy more cereal…”
Parenting is a partnership. When my son hollers because his little sister scowled at him, I consider whether he’s tired, hungry, or upset about something else. This doesn’t excuse crankiness, but I influence his environment and behavior.
Lastly, I’m teaching Red to shape his own environment. We discuss why even adults need bedtimes, boundaries, and nutrition. When these are missing, people struggle.
Now, I hope Red will have the tools to be 100% accountable when he’s 18. He’s only 10, but he’s well on his way!
Thanks to Thomas Weigel and Todd Ericksen for reading draft of this!
Red is the psuedonym I use for my son online.